Beating the Heat

Beating the heat?  I mean really.  Can one really beat heat?  I can’t sucker punch it in the gut.  I can’t out run it in a foot race.  Theoretically, there is no way to “beat” the heat.  However, this summer has been so dreadfully hot that I ventured to a water park.  What other way is there to beat this heat?  What a great idea!  I love water parks!  I packed my swimming trunks, goggles, and life jacket.  Off I went.   Do you know what is better than a water park?  An INDOOR WATER PARK!  I am not a fan of the sun.  It is too hot and burns my skin.  Plus, I am trying to “beat the heat”, so why would I want to spend all day in the sun…even at a water park?  Soooo, an indoor water park is perfect for me.  Well, almost perfect.  One of several problems I have with public water facilities is that other people swim there too.  This disturbs me on lots of different levels.  I have to block out of my mind the thought of the numerous few people who urinate in public swimming pools.  ALSO, I have read that we sweat in the water when we are active.  We don’t know it because we are in the water.  Makes sense.  During a water exercise class, one can sweat up to 3 pints of fluids.  This is why our fingers are wrinkled when we get out of the pool.  It’s from dehydration.  Hmmm….Maybe this isn’t such a great idea?  Maybe I should turn around and go home?  Nope, I am a risk taker.  I live on the edge.  

Wow! The Great Wolf Lodge is a HUGE facility!  Water slides! Water Squirty Things! The Lazy River! The Wave Pool!  All contained under one roof!  I paid a ginormous price, was accessorized with a wrist band, and  I Was In!  What shall I do first?  There are so many options. I will do it all!  I started with the Lazy River…my  personal favorite.  The one thing that I am good at…is being lazy.  I have almost perfected the task.  The only thing that I do better than being lazy is Art of Procrastination.  This is my forte.  I can waste a whole day procrastinating.  Ok, back to the water park.  They have decent slides.  Even though, I scream like a girl on each one of them, they’re fun.  One in particular reminded me of a toilet bowl.  Yep, you heard me: A toilet bowl.  It’s where you slide into a bowl and you spin around and around it, then you come out of the bottom into the pool. I got flushed.

The lifeguards are great and very attentive.  It is very comforting to know that lifeguards are watching out for my life when I am plummeted out of the tunnels.   I have been know to fall out of the tube and land upside down into the water.  I have yet to pull a “Sandlot” drowning scene with a hot lifeguard…even if it has crossed my mind.

For those of you who do like the sun and skin cancer, there are outdoor slides too.  Along with a hot tub and more squirty activity things for the kids.  I didn’t quite get why there is a hot tub outside in the hot weather.  People were in it.  I’m sure it is better during the winter months.  I did not venture outside to check out these.  Waterparks are very famishing.  There is food/drink/alcohol available.  It’s rather expensive.  No worries, if you run out of money, you can charge it to your room.  I guess their plan is after they drain you for the cost of the room, they want you to mortgage the family farm on concessions. In my opinion, this is criminal. 

This place has hundreds of rooms for your stay.  (Hence the title Great Wolf Lodge). Very roomy.  Very nice.  You can stay for days.  Sleep late, then get up and go swim.  Or, just hang out in your room watching the flat screen.  I can only handle the water park for about a day, then I am water logged. I get tired of the crowds and I get tired of being wet.   I then start critiquing those in their swimsuits.  Let me tell you, some are very comfortable with the skin they are in.  All different shapes and sizes…I am talking about the swimsuits here.  It’s amazing this type of attire is only legal at a waterpark. 

 

Then there is the bar.  There is something about alcohol that makes it tolerable for some to be around lots of people for a very long time.  The bartender was a great chap.  It’s important to make friends everywhere you go. If you want to check out their website,  http://www.greatwolf.com/.  I recommend making reservations on the “white” days as opposed to the light green and dark green days.  (Check out their calendar.)  This is where you get the most bang for your buck.  Otherwise, it isn’t worth the price.  To save some USDs – bring your own food.  They have overpriced restaurants and a $20 buffet in case you don’t want to make sandwiches in your room. Or just eat off site.    

Make sure you like kids because they are everywhere!  When they are not in the water, they are up/down the stairwell, in the hall, swarming the lobby on this scavenger hunt (also sold separately) which takes an enormous amount of hours to complete.  Kids love this place.  Probably because they aren’t paying for it.  I don’t know if I will go back…if I don’t, at least I can say ~ Been there, done that.